It's the Little Things

Have you heard the saying "Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things".  I've been trying to live life every day by those words.  I am having brain surgery on November 12th.  I, like my mom, have a brain aneurysm.  I need to have surgery to have it clipped.  I am scared out of my wits to have a craniotomy.  I know that I should feel lucky that they found it before it burst and that my children don't have to go through what my sisters and I went through when my mother's aneurysm burst.  While I don't feel lucky at all (I feel pretty fucking unlucky, to be honest), I do feel an appreciation for the little things, the things that are keeping me going every day, the things I want to tell you about:

1.  I should be making a will but instead I am organizing the shelves/cabinets where my pans are stored.  I am looking for my legacy, people!

2.  Mmmm, morning coffee that I didn't make myself.  How I cherish thee.  See this girl?  She works at the Java Station.  She knows my order and starts on it before I order.  Her name is Kelly and she is Uh-Maze-Ing.  The Mindi from before never stopped at the Java Hut.  Four something dollars was wayyy too much to spend on coffee when I already have a Keurig at home.  No longer my friends.  It tastes better when she makes it, and on many mornings, I let her!

3.  I have a new found appreciation for my legs.  Ever since a person who will not be named told me my legs were fat in 7th grade, I have had issues with my legs.  I know they aren't perfect, but damn it, they are strong, they let me run and run, THEY TAKE ME PLACES.  For that I heart them and appreciate them more now.  I realize I will be required to take a break from running for at least a few months.  I want to enjoy it while I can right now.

4.  I am less wary about sharing my opinions.  I have been posting on FB like a madwoman lately, I know.  I don't apologize if it annoys you, you can always block me or unfriend me.  You see, things like marriage and gender equality and orange cats mean a lot to me, and I wish to share it with the cyber world!!

5.  I kiss and hug my kids A LOT.  I always have, but now I do it even more.  I can't get out of my head the way they reacted when we told them I was having surgery.  I can't wait to be the "old me" and want to fast forward through the month when I will be, shall we say, compromised.  I get a certain feeling when Ava or Alex and I are heart to heart, and it's like nothing else in this world.  I hang onto it with every fiber of my being.  A fabulous teacher at school (Tami Qualls) talked to me about what it's like to have brain surgery and gave me some good tips.  She told me that when the anesthesiologist asks you to count backwards as you are sedated, instead of doing that to begin chanting your children's names.  She told me that it's a reminder to everyone in that room all that you have to live for.  She told me that if God forbid, something were to go wrong, no one wants counting backwards to be how they spent their last moments on this earth.  I will chant AVA ALEX AVA ALEX AVA ALEX over and over again before I go under anesthesia.  I know you know that I have my amazing babies to live for. 

6.  I give my lovelovelove to the kids at school.  I tell them I love them, I tell them they look amazing, I tell them they even smell amazing if they happen to (which I might add is quite rare in the high school environment).  I write them notes, and I relish praising them and giving them a card for a free cone from DQ.  They need love, and I have love to give.

7.  I have no patience for petty and annoying drama llama crap.  Enough said.

8.  I have been shopping.  Too much shopping is happening.  I might be using my surgery as an excuse for this one.  Don't tell Jer.  He barely gets on FB so I might just get away with this one.

9. I can't get enough of the little, mundane, routine, ordinary and every day moments with my perfect family.  From listening to Alex as he plays with his dinosaurs to watching Ava dance, to talking to Jer about his day, I don't take a bit of this life for granted.

10.  I don't take the beauty of this world for granted either.  Do you know our sky looked like this on an early morning last week?  I was awestruck for a moment.

11.  Most of all, I could not do this without my family, my husband's family, my friends, and Jer. 

More than anything on this earth I want to come out of this still ME.  That means that if you act like I look weird with part of my head shaved, I will notice!  Ok, just kidding.  (This ME thinks she is funny).